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When Work Sucks The Life Out of You – It Is Time to Go!

4/2/2019

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Woman frustrated at work, work sucks
Time to go – those words rang through my head when I caught up with a work-friend I hadn’t seen in years, when she told me about her job.
 
It all came back to me, the dreadful soul-sucking heaviness when my old job became absolute drudgery. 
 
Looking back, I knew in my heart it was time to go but I continued to persevere, pushing myself to do work that wasn’t ‘me’. I told myself that it was a good job with good pay so I’d be crazy to think about leaving …it even had a pension, and who leaves that at my age!
 
That is her situation too; she is suffering in a job that no longer serves her and she feels so stuck.
 
What About You?
It seemed so obvious to me as I saw my friend pushing herself to continue. I saw how weary she was that day, even though she just took a vacation.
 
Others can see it, even when you can’t. Your family, your friends – they know you are not OK and they worry, especially as we’ve all heard what stress can do.
 
The thing is, when you are doing unbearable work, a job that doesn’t make you feel valued or are working for a bad boss you shut down after awhile.
 
So let me be clear if this is happening to you….It. Is. Time. For. You. To. GO!!!
 
Plan to Get Out!
You may be thinking, easy for you to say Elaine, you don’t have three kids going through private school, one needing braces, a mortgage coming up for renewal [enter all of the other ‘what gets in the way of you making a change’].
 
I get it, timing will never seem right, but let me tell you something – you are no good to anyone else when you are miserable.
 
In fact, if you don’t make a change for the better, your body has this way of forcing you to slow down or taking time off, whether you like it or not –and yes it shows up as illnesses and injuries!
 
Pay close attention to the warning signs of stress to avoid becoming one of those heart attack statistics; this is no joking matter.
 
So, let’s look at what you can do right now to begin your exit strategy!
 
1. What If?
Remember when you were a kid; you were filled with limitless possibilities. Children naturally dream of all the things they CAN DO, it never occurs to them to squash those ideas and dreams!  Yet as an adult we seem to shut down dreams so often that they just stop coming.
 
I tell my clients to set aside a few minutes every day where you allow yourself unfiltered imagination and take time just to dream. How you spend that time is up to you. It could be writing in a journal, sipping a perfect cappuccino or it might be walking on the treadmill – doesn’t matter how. This was a game changer for me – I took up painting and did a little each day and my mind exploded with possibilities!
 
What is important, is to allow your mind to be future-focused without filters. Ask yourself what if I did this, or that, and what else is possible? No bashing down any ideas, don’t try to justify them, just let them flow, no matter how elaborate or crazy they may seem. Just let your imagination of ‘what if’s’ open up again.
 
2. Give Me A Fricken Break, I’m Worth It!
When work became really stress filled for me, I knuckled down. I put my shoulder into it and pushed harder, believing that I could make it better by hard work. WRONG!
 
It may be how I was raised; you know...don’t give up! The old adage when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.  Yah no, please don’t be like me! That is total BS.
 
Instead I want you to do the exact opposite! You see, you can’t consider options if you don’t allow yourself to take a break from the grind. Slow down, book coffees and lunches with people who ‘get you’ – by booking them, you will force yourself to make the time and build some support.
 
Talk to them candidly that you are taking some breaks because work is really getting to you. Remember, they likely already know, and chances are they will be happy to encourage you to take back some time for yourself.
 
3. What Are My Super Powers
I’ve mentioned this before. I received the greatest renewed perspective of myself, by asking people (some I had worked with long ago) ‘What did they remember most about working with me?’ I deliberately sought out people who I knew would be candid and truthful.
 
WOW! It was that very insightful feedback became a huge impetus to taking my next step!
 
What I learned, was that the impressions I left with others – like years ago - were actually consistent themes over many years. This wasn’t fluffy feedback! It was deep and meaningful context for how I made an impact and what I was known for (my brand…aka my super powers).
 
So reach out to people who will candidly share their recollections about YOU. The themes will emerge and you’ll discover the attributes that make you unique!
 
4. What Else Can I Be Good At?
If you’re like I was, then the job you are stuck in is not playing to your greatest strengths. In fact, it is likely much the opposite.
 
Take stock here, what would you rather be doing? I want you to think really practically here. This can be tough to do on your own, consider talking it out with a friend or confidante (or a coach).
 
What are you extraordinary at – what do you do better than many other people? What work/job or company uses or needs that very strength?
 
Hint: check for clues in the super power feedback.
 
5. Does My Resume Truly Reflect The Real Me?
Not everybody will be able to start their own business but everyone can use the same process I did for reimagining what the next gig should be.
 
Armed with the information you revealed through the steps above (1-4) I am confident the right options and/or roles, or even company for a better fit, will become clearer.
 
Now, consider what changes you need to make to your resume to ensure it reflects the capabilities you have for THAT right fit!
 
First, reflect on the most ideal job, then:
  • Tailor all your accomplishments, attributes and work you have done
  • Highlight and feature the ‘real you’ to the reader
  • Get away from boring job description blah blah blah, and hone in on those unique skills you now know you have!
  • Think about what they will look for, then showcase what skills you bring to fit that role
 
6. Who Can I Connect With In My Network?
So now you have inklings of the kind of work you really want. You’ve acknowledged that you are not the right place. You’ve begun taking breaks to release the stress. You’ve learned that you are pretty damn awesome BUT you definitely need to make a change that fits you better. You’ve also got a great start on a new resume and a renewed sense of direction.
 
The next step is to get out and start telling others what you are looking for!! Don’t narrow it to a job title, instead share a list of the kind of work you are great at and love to do.
 
When I say ‘network’, I mean everyone. It’s not to peddle your resume to, instead it is to connect personally, talk about the skills you want to use and ask others for ideas on jobs and companies they know you’d be a good fit for.
 
It still amazes me how connecting with people starts a cascade of serendipitous opportunities.
 
YOU Are Worth Making A Change!
You may find your next move doesn’t need to be drastic, it may be just a different position in the same company that will suit you better. It might be returning to something you did before!
 
Decide that you are worth making a change! Getting out of that work environment will lighten your life; improve not only your own quality of life but the lives of everyone who cares about you as well!
 
As I told my friend, the things you’ve been telling yourself about persevering and putting up with this job, is just fear of change. Fear is what holds us back to make a move.
 
It is times like this that a coach can be hugely valuable.  Someone to be a sounding board, who can remain objective but also hold you accountable to be true to yourself!
 
Taking steps to re-imagine your future will unlock all sorts of opportunities. You just have to start. Drop me a note if you need a coach to get over the fear of change or need someone to guide you on the road to success!
Photo Credit - CC0 Pixabay
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7 Steps To Communicate So it Connects!

2/6/2019

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Man in suit screaming into white rotary telephone
These days, with all the tools we have available, we are far more connected and capable of staying in touch than ever before!
 
So don’t you find it a bit ironic that in today’s workplaces, lack of communication remains one of the biggest issues for employees? Regardless of the industry or size of company!
 
Here’s the thing - if your team doesn’t feel heard, they don’t understand the direction of the company, never get constructive feedback, or they don’t think you care about them as a person, then why would they give you their best work?
 
Every one of those ‘misses’ can be remedied simply by taking steps to form a better connection with your team.
 
It’s More Than Words
Communication, when it does occur, may be missing the mark altogether! Between abbreviated texts and messaging, overwhelming volume of email or the ever brief, on-the-fly meetings these days, communication and connection is deteriorating, especially at work.
 
To further complicate our ability to communicate is the fact that most of us hear (absorb) less than 10% of what is actually spoken!
 
According to the Mehrabian Theory we attribute more meaning of a message through body language, facial expression, tone and pace of the conversation than that of the actual words voiced – hence why texts, messages, email and even phone messages can be misconstrued!
 
So ask yourself - how likely is it that YOU are communicating most effectively for your message to be received the way you intend it?
 
Using the scenario below, I’ll demonstrate my 7-step method to build rapport so you can improve every interaction!
 
Scenario - Disconnected Team
Team members, who report to your managers, have told you they feel disconnected lately. They claim that most one-on-one meetings with their manager(s) are being cancelled, and when they do happen it’s a quick download of one-way directives of what to get done, versus real conversation.
 
As a result, they feel excluded in the overall success of the department and don’t see the opportunity to learn, grow or develop. You sense a few are looking to leave the group or worse, the company.
 
You believe manager’s (on your team) need to involve their teams in problem solving vs giving orders and begin having development-focused one-on-one’s with each person (at all levels), at least once a quarter to rebuild a positive workplace.
 
What Not to Do
Even though it may seem the quickest ways, please don’t just call a meeting of your direct reports to tell them to start having one on one meetings focusing on development.
 
Just like their team members, they too will tune out being given a directive and may even take it out on their teams for speaking up, further complicating the problem.
 
7 Step Method For Communicating To Connect
While these steps may seem lengthy, it actually takes only a couple of minutes to practice and tailor to your circumstance.
 
Here are the steps:
  1. Prepare
  2. Create a safe environment
  3. Lead with open-ended questions
  4. Meet them ‘where they are at’, before diving in
  5. Take time to make a personal connection
  6. If delivering candid feedback be tough not mean
  7. Be clear, direct and provide specifics
 
1. Prepare - consider your audience and check yourself. Think about what is important to you and why, and how might they view it?
  • Ask yourself what is the manager’s preferred way to communicate? What is their communication style? Are they more fact-based than people focused? Do they react fast or slow? Are they more indirect or direct in their approach?
  • Consider each managers communication needs before your discussion and tailor your approach to meet theirs (aka. flex your style)
 
2. Create a ‘safe’ environment – remember to praise in public, criticize in private
  • Book individual meetings with your managers to deliver this particular message. Keeping it private ensures they can feel comfortable to discuss openly.
 
3. Lead with open-ended questions – question for clarity about their view of the situation and gather their input
  • Use open-ended questions to create two-way dialogue i.e.) ‘What have you been you doing to engage your team in problem solving these days, given it has been so busy? How have you involved the team in developing solutions? How do you think it is going?’
 
4. Meet them ‘where they are at’, before diving in – use their viewpoint to build on. Putting yourself in their shoes shows you’ve heard them (it also demonstrates empathy)
  • Listen carefully to HOW they answer your question, maintaining eye contact and matching your body language, tone and pace with theirs
  • The key is to keep dialogue open, avoiding a closed posture that may create tension or defensiveness
  • Respond based on their response, build on THEIR perspective not yours
 
5. Take time to establish a personal connection – consider the challenges they speak about and build rapport by showing you understand how they feel, validate their perspective (this is not a feedback sandwich)
  • ‘[Insert Manager’s name] I can see you’ve had a lot on the go and I’ve seen you putting in very long hours. How do you think we can ensure everyone is getting feedback and meaningful work for their growth and development?’
 
6. When delivering candid feedback, be tough, not mean – show that you genuinely care about them as a person and expect a change to occur
  • ‘I’ve heard from several team members that one on ones keep being canceled because you’re so busy. Unfortunately the perception is that they are not important and they are not receiving feedback to grow. I know that is not your intent’
  • ‘What help do you need to change that?’
 
7. Be clear, direct and provide specifics
  • ‘Starting next month I’d like you to meet with each team member, at least once each quarter, with the primary focus for their development’
  • ‘I expect you to prioritize one on one meetings to remain connected to your team, even if they are just half an hour or occur every two weeks
  • ‘I will commit to the same meetings with you so you can let me know how I can help’
 
Remember: Its All About Them
The same steps will work for any topic, particularly powerful for sensitive issues; the key is paying close attention, hearing their perspective, demonstrating you want their success and being clear about the outcomes that are needed.
 
Communication serves as the foundation for a positive employee experience for all of us. As a leader when you demonstrate support both through your words AND non-verbal interaction, your team will feel more valued and heard.
 
Taking time to get to know others and developing an understanding of their communication styles provides a platform to connect on a more personal level. This also creates stronger, more cohesive working relationships where difficult subjects can be discussed and dealt with efficiently.
 
Help Is Available
To gather insights on your team’s communication styles there are a variety of tools available (ie assessments, questioning techniques) feel free to reach out if you need help to find the right approach to connect and communicate in your workplace.

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Wasted Potential - 7 Expert Lessons to Retain Your Top Talent

8/1/2018

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Woman looking out office building window
According to Gallup State of the Global Workplace 2017, 85% of employees worldwide are not engaged or are actively disengaged in their job.
 
“The low percentages of engaged employees represent a barrier to creating high performing cultures around the world. They imply a stunning amount of wasted potential.”
 
Wasted potential. How that phrase resonates with me!
 
Death by Administration
I'm sad to say, I was one of the walking ‘wasted potential’ not too many years ago. It was a dark and miserable time. My employer was doing a massive restructure, de-layering spans and levels and it was my job to implement it for my division.
 
The work I so loved and excelled at suddenly switched from senior level advisor to a massive load of mundane administrative tasks Every. Single. Day. It went on for months.
 
This kind of work was my worst nightmare and, the truth is, I wasn’t very good at it.  What a waste!
 
Wasted potential.
 
People can’t thrive when they are doing the wrong work. It devalues them, misuses talents and creates unnecessary pressure.
 
During stress-filled change, leaders can fall asleep at the helm; too busy ducking for cover, they completely overlook the signs of utter disengagement around them.
 
Don’t waste your best resources like that; you will surely lose your highest potential people when you don’t pay attention.
 
Expert Lessons
A great way to stem the tide of employee disengagement is to tap into the abilities of EACH and every person on your team. Get people doing the right work using their best skills, long before a change occurs.

According to 
Gallup's survey analytics it is your high potential talent that will take a walk if they are not engaged, long before the others. These top talent are the experts to learn from!
​
Here is what they say: 
 
​Lesson 1
  • Know their career aspirations and full employment background. What do they love to do? What do they detest doing. Why?
Lesson 2
  • Know the strengths of each person. Never assume they want to or can do the work that everyone else does. Always match work to their strengths. It will save everyone time and pointless stress.
  • Caution: A ‘stretch assignment’ isn’t taking on a bunch of administration or more work; stretch is learning a new skill that will help them and YOU in the future!
Lesson 3
  • Know them as individuals. What environment makes them feel valued? Learn their communication and behavioural styles (use tools to discover) so you know where they struggle. Validate assumptions with the person directly, to be sure.
Lesson 4
  • Identify the right incentives for each person. Top talent rises when they connect with real meaning and purpose. Make connections for them. How will their work make a bigger impact, better connect to the customer, and build a better company. Give them the ability to influence HOW they are recognized for achievements.
  • Caution: Carrot and stick rewards do not work with high potentials. Offering a bonus to achieve an unattainable goal will not lead to greater engagement.
Lesson 5
  • Spot the Hi-Po’s (High Potential). Based on their demonstrated behaviour, and how they work with others, watch for those who have the making of a leader. They are the ones who seek ‘meaty’ work, influence others positively and demonstrate company values. Let them know you see their potential. Having them lead a process, a project, a team meeting or strategy planning session shows trust.
  • Caution: High Performance does not necessarily mean High Potential. Don’t confuse the two.
Lesson 6
  • Give them meaningful feedback. One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is candid feedback. Provide regular feedback that is both constructive and supportive. Candid feedback may be tough to give but so powerful to build your best people’s skills and career. Seek their feedback. They want to help you too, as long as you are open to receive.
  • Caution: Feedback is not an ‘Atta Boy/Girl’ slap on the back. It is well thought out, providing a crisp accounting of what's working and where to make change, from a helpful perspective.
​
Lesson 7
  • Stay in touch. Your high potential employees need a different type of leader than the “newbies” or the “steady Eddy's”. Don’t just look for status updates, check in on what is working well, where they have struggles, what help they need from you, what is getting in their way, ask them questions, actively listen…and then, most importantly, follow through!

Engagement Counts
The best leaders demonstrate they care about each and every team member by taking an interest. They pay attention, particularly during stressful times, leveraging potential vs wasting it. They make it a practice to develop potential, all the time. They allocate work in a way that plays to their people’s strength and they keep them connected to the bigger picture. 
 
When you demonstrate YOUR engagement, harnessing the potential of your best and brightest, you are guaranteed better results for highly engaged employees.
 
If you have a disengaged team (or team member) or are leading through stressful times and need support, I’m only an email away! I help leaders grow and develop by working with them through the toughest of times.

I want to hear from you, tell me about your own experience in the reply section below.
Image: CC0 Creative Commons/Pixabay
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How to Deal With Fear of Getting Fired

12/4/2017

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Image of the word fear in handwritten black print, with red circle around it and big red X across the image
It could be you’ve heard of others being let go; you’ve seen a shake up at the top leadership levels or you suspect your new boss is really here to restructure. Any of these scenarios can make you uneasy about your own job stability. And once the anxiety sets in, it can affect your normal ability to focus, make you dread every unexpected meeting or just make getting up to go to work, feel miserable.
 
Given the percentage of our life we spend at work, this ongoing negative stress can be bad for your health so it is worth finding productive techniques to take back control.
 
If you are one of those people sensing impending doom, I’m here to say relax, don’t let it unnerve you. Instead let me show you how to actually take full advantage of it.
 
While I can’t guarantee you won’t be on the chopping block, I can help you reframe your mindset and give you hope for a much more positive outlook.  Simply by learning how to Duck, Prepare to 'Jet' and/or get ready to make a Career Pivot!
 
Duck!
Here is how ‘Duck’ worked for one of my corporate clients:
I’ll call her Eileen; Eileen had a new boss, a bossy boss with a big ego, who she didn’t see eye-to-eye with.
 
My advice was this - get on with the work, don’t act in an artificial way, just keep the focus on doing a good job. It wasn’t always easy. Eileen asked clarifying questions to understand what her boss wanted and then delivered accordingly. She gave the boss no cause to centre her out, no angry or emotional outbursts – she kept her head down and managed her emotions. (We would often debrief after the tough days).
 
We found that when she focused on only what her manager asked for, it became much easier for her to cope day-to-day. This gave her personal control. She controlled her reaction, her output, and her thoughts. The goal was to deliver, and deliver she did!
 
Only those close to her ever knew the true feelings of doubt and worry.  She is a great example of how positively shifting your state of mind gives you the ability to work through job stress.  She proved to me that anyone could overcome the dread just by changing your mindset!
 
This concept not only reduced stress for few years until the boss moved on, but she said it taught her to become more focused and action oriented.
 
Every Exit is an Entry Somewhere
The other strategy is to get ready to 'jet' (aka. leave, exit, vamoose, hit the road). This means ACCEPT that you are going to go, stop worrying about it and begin your own transition now…while you’re still working!
 
I always tell my clients “you have the gift of time so lets use it to your own benefit.” Think of it as extra paid time to regroup, plan and prepare for your next move.
 
Here are some action steps I suggest to create change, on your own terms:
  • Start with making a conscious decision – I WILL be leaving!
  • Mark a date in your own calendar in the future as a goal date (I call it the golden ticket date)
  • Ease up! Stop OVER-delivering.  Do only the work that is expected– no more than is absolutely necessary
  • Create a positive story for yourself supporting why it’s a great time to go
  • Be kind to yourself – take breaks, lunch and leave on time
 
Create an action list with target dates to be done by:
  1. Get that resume updated
  2. Make notes of all of your accomplishments for every job you’ve ever had
  3. Pull together copies of all past performance reviews
  4. Start taking personal items home a little each day – this begins the letting go process
  5. Talk to those people you trust, who have worked with you and will give you honest feedback of your strengths
  6. Begin connecting with your network; start planting the seed you are in the market – use your positive story for why it is a great time to go
  7. Take stock of what makes you awesome
  8. Make coffee meetings and lunches a personal priority
 
This mind shift is a game changer to overcome the oppressive feeling of dread. You invest in yourself and take back some time. If all goes really well, you’ll receive a nice little severance package AND start your new job shortly thereafter. Or you may land a great job before they send you packing – either way is a positive outcome!
 
Consider a PIVOT!
Treat this as a defining moment in your career where you sit back, take stock and re-evaluate what YOU want for your future. It’s the perfect time to consider an intentional career change in a completely different direction!
 
Maybe there are departments you’ve had a yearning to join but never had the courage to apply? Perhaps you may have been thinking of starting your own business, or you’ve had a side hustle that you should consider if you can do it full-time?
 
I’ve had clients take this opportunity to plan to return to school, become certified in a speciality or finish higher level education that later jettisoned them on to a successful new chapter in their life.
 
Regardless of where the pivotal change takes you it usually needs a catalyst to push you over the edge and make that wishful change happen. Turning the dread into a meaningful plan can make all the difference.
 
Need a Career Lifeline?
I’ve supported several leaders through this uncertainty, waiting for the day they will be let go.  I’ve also sat on the other side, breaking the news of downsizing to quite a few people and I can say with 100% confidence that everyone finds a new path and 9.8/10 times they end up happier than before.   
 
Rather than let the worry drag you down or make you sick, I say shift your thinking to make it work for you! The big trick is finding ways to take back control, accept change quickly – better yet, embrace it!
 
If you find yourself stuck and want to work with a professional to review your options, create a personalized career plan, hold you accountable or give you candid feedback, advice and insight, give me a call or send me an email!
 
Regardless of the scenario that has you anxious or worrying about job loss, I’d love to help you ‘connect the dots’ for the next phase in your career!


Image: CC0 Creative Commons
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Fight the Career Fog – Find Work You Love

10/3/2017

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Picture
Sitting together at a big oak table, in her spacious corner office on the 24th floor overlooking Bay and Wellington Streets in Toronto, my well-respected client asked me to help her map out the next steps in her career.  She felt stuck; almost embarrassed that she was misaligned to her career after all it took to get there. Proof that even when you reach the coveted C-suite, you can still feel discontented or unfulfilled in your job.
 
Most people associate their sense of self and identity with the work they do and paycheque they make. You can see how difficult it would be to determine where to make the next move when you find yourself in this situation.
 
Where to Begin
I often suggest watching a TED Talk by Adam Leipzig, called How to Learn Your Life's Purpose in 5 Minutes. One of most popular TED Talks of all time, with more than 8.5 million views. In less than 10 minutes Adam provides 5 key questions to help identify your life’s purpose. It’s a great start to expanding your view on what you should do to give you fulfillment.
 
I use a variety of introspective tools as well as questioning techniques with my clients. If you feel stuck, or in a fog you’ll find a snippet of questions below that can begin to clear your view. This reflective exercise activates ideas, narrowing in on clues you can use to reimagine a more rewarding career or job.
 
Your Calling
Many of us are forced to make life-long choices selecting education specialties or career direction with minimal information about who we are and what we are best at. Seldom are we given tools to help identify what path to take.
 
Caught up in the tsunami of life and career, it sweeps you along without much time for reflection. In fact, sometimes it takes years of doing the wrong thing before it really dawns on you that you’re way off base!
 
Few can afford to leave their job to experiment and dabble in other fields to figure out where the right place is; instead you need a solid plan with a process to follow. What I’ve found best is to carve out time for self-reflection and introspection.  Then seek feedback and dig into your strengths, doing this opens you up to connect with your calling. 
 
YOUR CALLING = the intersection between doing what you love and the ability to make money doing it! 
 
Who AM I Really?
The answer to the right place for most people is typically tied to who they are and have always been. There are trails of evidence that you can relate to when you go through this exercise. Similar to Adam’s Ted Talk these questions help you uncover what you’re meant to do.

  1. Who are you – meaning how would others define you (ie. name, title, action verbs)? What is the view from friends, work colleagues and the family perspective? Is it the same view as yours? If No, note what is different.
  2. List all things you are highly qualified to do? (Include anything you do at home, leisure as well as work)
  3. Narrow the list to the things you get the most pleasure doing that also provides service to someone else? Who benefits from this service? (ie. friends, clients, family). If by chance, you don’t like what you are qualified for, list other activities you’ve been involved with that you enjoy and who benefits from what you do.
  4. What do others see as your top skills that you are really great at? If need be talk to friends, family and colleagues to collect this information. Find your role-model skills, the ones that are superior and pillars of strength.
  5. Make a list of people from your past; those who you trust to give you honest feedback. Contact them to collect feedback; ask what they most remember you for and how you made a difference in their life (positively and negatively)? Asking for feedback takes a bit of courage on your part but inevitably the information you receive will be very useful.
 
Connect the Dots
While it seems a simple exercise, this reflection actually takes work to gather and time to contact and listen to as many people as you can.
 
It is vital that you remain open to hear feedback without judgement. Take notes, ask clarifying questions and avoid judging or defending. I always say feedback is a gift! So just accept whatever points people share and say thank you, graciously.
 
Armed with this information, you will find some obvious clues to connect the dots for what you are meant to be doing. The key to success in the future lies in leveraging your very best traits and skills while focusing on areas you’ve had the most enjoyment and impact to others. Impact to others is a crucial piece of data few ever collect. Service to others, or making a positive impact is a critical building block to most people’s work contentment.
 
From here brainstorm, look at what you can change in your current job to better align with your purpose. But also look for project work, roles, departments, or other industries and your network for potential opportunities to consider. The path isn’t always immediately obvious. Some people stay within their job working on the side with charities, volunteering or mentoring others or contributing to the greater good in other ways.
 
Craft an action plan to network further, identify potential jobs that leverage what you’ve done so far, look at independent work or other businesses where you can fully utilize all that makes you unique.
 
If you find yourself struggling in a job that leaves you feeling undervalued, and want assistance from a leadership coach to help guide you , provide feedback and gain clarity with accountability to follow through, please send me an email! Or if you’d like to delve deeper into who you are and what makes you tick, please reach out. It would be a privilege for me to help you find work you love!
Photo: Creative Commons Zero (CC0) license
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5 Stealthy Ways to Disarm Workplace Bullies

7/3/2017

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Yellow street sign says 'Bully Free Zone', with blue sky behind
You’ve been there–it could be a pain-in-the-butt colleague, a troublemaking employee, or worse, a devil-boss who makes your workday torture! Regardless of who they are, they all have one thing in common…nasty bullying behaviour.  

Sadly, if you don’t find ways to manage it, the stress may cause your health to decline, you disengage from work resulting in your performance taking a hit or you have the sudden urge to quit because you simply have no other way out.

Dealing with a workplace bully wears us all down. Repeated over time, you may actually believe what they say, sparking self-doubt and eroding your self-esteem. They yearn for this power and as such, once they’ve set their sights on you, they do what they can to take you down.

I’ve helped several clients rise above these difficult people. It takes a little bit of work but in the end, they feel a sense of accomplishment once they triumph!

It’s important to note that if what you are dealing with is an extreme case of bullying or a possible harassment case, there are Human Rights laws to protect you. Handling those situations requires a formal process. The Ministry of Labour (Ontario) provides guidance to both employers and employees regarding these laws in my province.

What I’m talking about today are the scenarios where someone is staying within the bounds of the law, but making it unpleasant for you to work with them. These people know how to get at you but management may not see it, may choose to ignore it, or it just may not be bad enough for you to want to raise a big fuss.  

The ‘Bully’ Profile
These nasty people often share similar characteristics, they:
  • Lack empathy
  • Are emotionally immature
  • Think very highly of themselves
  • Cleverly put others down or they show off in front of spectators
  • Relish picking on people 
  • Are often known for getting stuff done, in spite of their behaviour 
  • Are unaware they make onlookers uncomfortable
  • Know how to work the ‘system’ in the organization

So what CAN you do to battle this kind of unpleasantness? Lets look at some simple tactics to disarm these bullies and take back your own power:

1. Let them shine
It may seem counterintuitive but people who are problematic are typically seeking some kind of attention. 

Take time to assess this person’s underlying insecurity; ask yourself the following questions to become aware of what is really going on: 
  • What do you think they are lacking? 
  • Do they perceive you as a threat? 
  • Are they jealous of you? 
  • Do they want to be liked, noticed or needed by others?
  • Do they think they are better or smarter than others? 

With this information in mind, look for a moment to praise them when they do something you can comfortably acknowledge: “Jane had a good point”, “Jane was absolutely right, ‘Thank you Jane for xxx” “Jane I quite liked xxx”.

These comments begin to neutralize their need to be nasty because their own esteem rises.

However, it’s important that you approach this genuinely. Don’t do it if you don’t really feel it or it will come off as disingenuous and inflame them further.  

Giving them the limelight is a powerful tool and it works in most situations. 

2. Use the power of Aikido
If you haven’t heard of it before, Aikido is actually a form of martial arts.  Yet, it is non-threatening and doesn’t use force. 

In fact, what makes Aikido so effective is that it removes aggression from an adversary by yielding to his/her force in a way that they end up only hurting themselves. For instance, imagine stepping out of the way as someone tries to strike you–the attacker would likely fall down, hurting only themselves.  

Mean people are easily unsettled when you DON'T react the way they are expecting. Because most of these people have very low self-esteem, their actions come from a place of insecurity; they lash out or belittle to make themselves feel better.  

To use an ‘Aikido-like’ reaction:
  • Become aware of your thoughts when they take a jab at you and avoid thinking about or acting with your usual reaction
  • Start thinking of what it is they are trying to accomplish and how you might work WITH that aggression
  • Consider how you can respond in a way they would least likely expect 
  • Respond calmly, or consider ignoring them altogether
Click here to learn more about Verbal Aikido.

3. Find your inner comic
Instead of letting these people get under your skin, find a way to make light of their behaviour. I have seen really great leaders deal with some very annoying people simply by making a quick thinking remark. For instance, in the case of an employee continuously interrupting a meeting, the leader might say, “Slow down there speedy, I’m driving this meeting”. 

If it’s your boss who’s pushing your buttons, this can be a bit trickier but you can still make light of their nasty comments. Laugh out loud and say something like, “Oh, for a moment I thought you were calling me an idiot–that’s a good one”.

It may not immediately come to you in the moment, so after an interaction has happened, consider things you could say next time. The AMA has a great article on how to have the last laugh, worth a read!  Try to avoid insults as you don’t want to stoop to their level–I’m talking about making light of their comment so you take back control.

4. Call them on the behaviour
We naturally try to defend ourselves or strike back when mean people put us down or make a condescending comment. These people have become experts at making others look second-rate so that they can feel superior. That is where they draw strength.

If you can’t ignore their comments, respond firmly with a response that exposes the behaviour, “That sounded like a put-down”.  It usually holds a mirror up to the individual and catches them off guard.

Most of these people won’t want to ‘look bad’ in front of others and a public call-out will make them uncomfortable enough to switch gears.  

Over time, this tactic can actually help them with their own self-awareness.

5. Nip it in the bud: stage an intervention
This approach takes a great deal of courage and I recommend doing this with support. Book a face-to-face meeting with the difficult person and address their behaviour head-on when you are cool-headed. 

Be sure to have several specific examples at the ready. Make sure your discussion is done in a way to help them understand the affect they have on others. Conduct this meeting in private; clarify what the issue is as factually as possible and set out a plan to fix the problem offering support and guidance.

Let them know how these behaviours are making you or your team feel. Use ‘I’ or ‘I feel’ messages. For instance, “I feel embarrassed when I’m called out in a meeting in front of others”, or, “I feel disrespected when I am constantly interrupted in meetings”.

‘I feel’ messages usually resonate better because the other person is not put on the defensive–no one can deny your own feelings. If you have internal HR support, they can assist you in this discussion. If not, then consider bringing in external support to help you plan this discussion and to be present during the meeting.

Don’t let nasty people ruin your work experience. Approach them as though they have a problem and don’t let it be your problem anymore.

Typically they have developed this behaviour over many years but no one has called them on it. It is possible for them to change, but it takes work on their behalf as well as yours.

Most great companies have formal policies to reinforce values for treating people with respect. This is great for employees, but what about you as a leader? 

Check out our additional posts that deal with bad behaviour like bullying at work:
- 6 Strategies for dealing with difficult people
​
- The Constant Critic


If you’re dealing with colleagues or team members who are disrespectful to you, I’m here to help.  I can arm you with proven practices to help you manage through the tough stuff. Send me an email or give me a call today!
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Building a Kick-Ass Team From the Ground Up  Part 5 – High Performance R Us

5/3/2017

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Several adults hands held up high holding a gold cup trophy in celebration
Previously in this series, I covered the various phases of building a kick-ass team, including the ‘Start Up’ phase, ‘Building the Team Identity’ phase, ‘Bust Through the Barriers’ phase and ‘Kum Ba Yes’ phase. By now, if you’ve implemented all of my suggestions, you should be experiencing the ‘High Performance R Us’ phase – high five to you for graduating to a kick-ass leader! 
 
What Does This Phase Look Like?
You’ll know the ‘High Performance R Us’ phase when you see your team consistently triumph and achieve goals together. For the most part, they get along, openly discuss ideas, problems and solutions, and most importantly, they share recommendations for improvement, actively solving issues together and demonstrating commitment to the group and company. Generally the climate is positive and activated for achievement. This kind of high performing team emits a positive vibe, and as such, they make the customer (internal or external) want to work with you.
 
So…now what? What do you do once you’ve successfully attained a high performing kick-ass team? Some say great teams eventually come to an end, but I like to think its more of a metamorphosis–just like a butterfly, your people undergo a change that gives each individual courage and esteem, which often means they will move along.
 
Kick Ass Leaders Shift Gears
At this point, some members of your team will either take on new roles within the team or move along, triggering a change to the whole dynamic. Similarly, this may also be a time when you prepare to make your own move, or you earn that well-deserved promotion!
 
Lets look at how you can either course correct to help your team through changes or how you can begin to wrap up so you are ready to make a move:
 
Course Correction
After the team dynamic changes or the team divides after having been together for a long time, you may notice a shift in peoples’ behaviours. Watch out for complacency, disengagement or repeated illnesses. Even the highest performing employees can become frustrated with changes–they are usually the first to exhibit fluctuations in behaviour.  
 
Keep an eye on things like:
  • increased sick days
  • coming in late or routinely leaving early
  • taking lots of breaks
  • chatting more than usual or becoming very quiet
  • being late on assignments
  • excuses, or the worst,
  • demonstrating an ‘I don’t care’ attitude
 
These are often symptoms of disengagement or complacency.
 
How to Respond
  1. For disengaged employees, talk to them and open the lines of communication. Let them know you’re concerned. Ask what is going through their mind and check to see if they have been considering a change for themselves (broadened scope, different work) or if they are simply bored or frustrated with the recent changes. If it’s the latter affecting them, they may be struggling through the ‘change curve’, but with a little bit of support they will be just fine. Here are some great suggestions for coaching them through the change curve from Insights.com.
  2. For those employees who have become complacent, ask yourself how long they’ve been doing what they are doing. Are they growing and developing in their current job, or should you give them some added responsibilities? Ask them what the most rewarding work is for them and if they can take on more? Or are they overloaded? Consider if you should rebalance the work.
 
Wrapping Up With Your Team
If you’ve instead decided to make a move and depart from your now, high-functioning team, it’s imperative that you take right steps to leave them on great terms and in great shape. Parting ways can be difficult, but if you follow the wrap up checklist below, you’ll be sure to leave on a positive note.

Check In – take time to check in with the team to reflect–review the vision and mission you designed in Part 1 and 2 and have your team help you assess the progress. Record what worked and what could have been better, and identify how the team adapted to changing requirements over the duration. Determine what were the best parts of this team and which core competencies made the group most successful and why.

  • Why do this? By doing this assessment together with your team, they absorb the success criteria (as do you) to reuse similar practices as you all move forward.

Check Off – take time to celebrate the journey of the team and reflect on the growth of each team member. Sit down with a coffee and make a list of how you’ve seen each of them grow as you look back over the time you spent together. Be sure to exchange written feedback so they can keep track of their progression and enjoy the fruits of their labour – this can be done using formal performance review tools, emails or, better yet, hand written notes. Thank everyone who helped the team succeed and encourage team members to write notes to support people from other areas in the business or to vendors/suppliers who were instrumental in the success. Send a summary to your boss or present the overview at a peer meeting to acknowledge progress of the team. And don’t forget to book a fun gathering too – coffee, ice cream, drinks or an outing together will allow you to clink glasses and leave on a high note.

  • Why do this? Similar to checking in, you are modelling a positive behaviour that your kick-ass team members will carry on with them. Most of your people will take this ‘good stuff’ with them into new roles.

Check On – if you haven’t done it already, be sure to communicate to your management and HR department who on your team has high potential and may be ready to take on leadership roles. Be sure to have a development plan laid out for those specific individuals, to ensure they work on acquiring the missing skills needed to make the leap to the next level. You can continue to be a mentor whether you continue to be their boss or not. 

  • Why do this? Once formed, kick-ass team relationships are timeless. Many of us stay friends with this kind of group for many years to come. You have laid the foundation for these people to soar in their own career.

Check Out – one of the best things about having a high performing team is the ability to export some of your talented people to other areas of the organization. Reach out to various leaders you know in other areas of the business and connect them with team members who you feel would be valuable contributors. This is a great way to help your people shine and begin kicking off their own amazing team!  You can bet they will come to you as they go through their own kick-ass team development.

  • Why do this? You get to move from ‘the boss’ to ‘the mentor’ as you help others succeed, sprinkling kick-ass goodness all over the place!  It is a very rewarding point in your career to give other people their wings to succeed.
 
I hope you’ve enjoyed the journey of kick-ass team building–no doubt, you’ve noticed some consistent themes. Becoming a Kick-Ass Leader takes a great deal of effort, a lot of communication, and the ability to know when to be tough, when to take the reigns or when to let your people soar. As always, I’m at your service if you’d like help in dealing with the various phases of building your team. Reach out any time.
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5 Ways To Take Your Life Back From Work

12/1/2016

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Image of a triangle in purple with the words Your Life sitting on top point, Work to the left and Home to the right
How many times have you heard that your friends and colleagues are tired and stressed out with work?  These days everyone is putting in longer hours, but not feeling as fulfilled as they would like to.  It’s almost as if you’re on a treadmill that is increasing in speed with no destination!
 
“Work” – according to the Oxford Dictionary is the activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result; as a means of earning income.  So we know that effort of any type can tire you out, but when you lack balance in that effort it can lead to chronic stress and tension.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, chronic stress lowers your immune; it also lowers your digestive and reproductive systems.  It affects your ability to sleep and is said to be a silent killer. 
 
So how do you regain personal balance to prevent burnout and chronic stress?  Here are 5 ways to take back your life:
 
1.  Get Quiet & Clever
Step back from the crazy day that consumes you from morning, noon to night.  Steal an hour to yourself on a weekly basis – book it in your calendar, just like you do for a meeting.  Turn off all devices for that hour.  Use that time to take stock of all the things that you have to accomplish this week.  Make a thorough list and prioritize it.   I have heard from many people that just taking time to get everything out of their head, gives them peace of mind. 
 
2.  Book Some ‘Me’ Time
I know many people who don’t even give this a second thought – they just automatically take time for themselves.  But chances are, they are not the people who are struggling with stress.  I love this infographic all about ‘me’ time and why it’s important to your happiness.   You see, giving yourself permission to do whatever the heck you want is not only good for your own well-being but it is good for your family and those around you too.  It will feel like you are stealing time from work at first, but eventually you’ll see that taking a break will refresh you and you’ll actually come back more productive. 
 
3.  Get Moving
Yes you’ve heard this one before – exercise!!  So lets break this one down a bit because chances are you’re not likely to run out and hit the gym every day if you’ve never done that before.  When I say get moving I mean just that ……MOVE!!   That means get up and out of your office chair, out of your car or off the couch – make a commitment to do a walk around the block, or around a mall or even around the office at least once a day.  Take the stairs, or park further from the mall – deliberately! Exercise will clear your mind of the work clutter; it will help to balance those dangerous stress hormones.  The very act of any exercise increases the oxygen in your body and stimulates brain chemicals that should make you feel happier and more relaxed.  Lets face it, most of us can improve the amount we move.
 
4.  Draw the line
When was the last time you said no, declined to work late, or let people know you will not be available?  Regain control by setting some boundaries with colleagues and other stakeholders, including your boss – what hours are you available for work-related meetings, what constitutes an emergency and what should they do in that event?  When you book vacation, ensure you have someone who can be your back up and handle the majority of issues in your absence.  It is important to carve out family time as well as downtime to recharge.  Make a personal commitment to turn off your computer(s) and work phones at specific times.  Many of us don’t want to let people down so check out this article by The Muse.com, which talks about setting boundaries without creating resentment at work.
 
5.  Manage Yourself – Not Time
According to TED Talk by Rory Vaden who wrote the book Procrastinate on Purpose (pdf version avail), you can’t solve today’s time-management challenges with yesterday’s time management strategies. In this TED talk he explains why procrastinating on purpose is the key to being able to multiply your time.  Spend time on things today that will give you more time tomorrow.  He provides techniques in triaging your to do list, finding ways to save yourself time, and he helps you deal with the guilt of your decisions.  Give thought to what influences you into using your precious time and set out a plan to be more strategic in how you review all of your “to do’s”.
 
You owe it to yourself, as well as to those who care about you, to find strategies for work life balance, reducing the work stress and taking back control of your time!  

As an executive in these busy work environments, you may need help in planning how to take back some control over your life and regain personal balance.  At Dots Leadership Solutions we provide you with one on one coaching to help you get organized and make a plan!  Call us today for all of your leadership dilemmas.  Check back time to time to check out features in our blog to help you be an effective leader.
 
 

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Surviving The Reorg Storm

7/1/2016

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Picture of very dark looming clouds with rain in the distance, over farm fields in the foreground where the sun is shining

​So your team has been restructured and the dust has only just settled. Now you’re supposed to go back to ‘business as usual’, but things feel far from normal. As the leader, you’re in a tough position, everyone on your team is turning to you for answers and clarity; what do you do?
 
Rest assured you’re not alone; heck, you can’t read a newspaper or hear a business report these days without learning about a company cutting back, laying off or reorganizing.  Just like you, there are hundreds of leaders trying to find their way to get back on track and rebuild the trust of the ‘survivors’.
 
Survivor Syndrome
Just like after a shipwreck on a desert island, the survivors are worn-out, tired, grumpy and scared.  At times they feel guilty they made it through the cuts, while friends did not, other times they wish they were gone too – these are all natural human reactions after riding through such a rough experience.  It is important to be mindful of these emotions as you move forward with your remaining team, in order to help you rebuild momentum and trust. It’s not going to be an easy process to get everyone back on track, but with a bit of patience and guidance, it will certainly be achievable.
 
To help you make some headway, we’ve created a handy-dandy Survivor Checklist to help you through these stormy times:

  • Take Care of Yourself – ”In the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, the oxygen mask will automatically appear. If you’re travelling with someone who requires assistance, please secure your mask first before assisting the other person”. Recognize this?  Simply put, you’re no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself first. The best thing you can do is to try and remain calm and manage your own stress levels. Watch this YouTube video to ‘Learn how to Calm Down in 10 Seconds’ – it’s a simple, yet effective approach.  Some other strategies to cope with your emotions can be discussed with your Employee Assistance Provider (EAP) who will have plenty of resources for free to help you manage the sudden changes you’re experiencing. And don’t forget, it’s equally as important to focus on your health and wellbeing. Eat healthy, get plenty of sleep and exercise and avoid dependence on alcohol or other damaging habits.

  • Gather Up Your Team & Talk (Frequently) – Do you remember the big blackout in August 2003? Most of Ontario and a chunk of the Eastern seaboard of North America had no electricity on one of the hottest days of the Summer.  As people finally found their way home, they gathered with neighbours and started BBQ’ing food before it spoiled – sometimes in the middle of the street with a crowd. They ended up laughing and sharing stories of how they managed to make it home after hours of walking, hitch-hiking or sharing rides with strangers.  It conjures up some really funny memories, doesn’t it? Hanging out together, helping each other, swapping stories and venting about what has happened is a healing exercise for people to begin to let go of the old ways. So remain visible, give your people permission to ‘let it out’ and let them share their anger, resentment and frustration.  There will be lots of questions and many you may not be able to answer right away but sharing and venting will allow you to move past the event and begin talking through next steps together.

  • Actively Listen – While this may seem repetitive to the previous tip, it bears a separate action because it requires a special skill – active listening. This is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It requires focus and attention, concentrating on what is being said. Typically, it also requires repeating or reading back what you’ve heard.  Record a list of raised questions or concerns to demonstrate you are listening and commit to letting your team know when you are able to answer or comment further.  And to avoid any further upset or disappointment, address rumours as soon as possible; water cooler talk can be very damaging to your team so the sooner you can address these statements, the better.

  • Review the Workload – Take time to look at the workload of the team to determine if you need to shift accountabilities with fewer team members. Be careful not to over burden your high performers – the ‘go to’ people are quite vulnerable during downsizing. That said, those who are keen to move up might be ready for additional stretch assignments with greater responsibilities as a part of their development plans.

  • Reset Expectations – Review team objectives and communicate any changes.  It’s important each team member understand the changes as it provides a certain level of comfort when they fully comprehend what is expected of them.

  • Meet With Each Team Member Separately – Yes, it may look like overkill, however people can quickly see if you’re really supportive or just doing the obligatory team meeting thing.  Checking in with people privately after a big change helps you gauge where any issues might be (e.g. there could be conflict within the team or with new stakeholders). Ask them for feedback and look for ideas from within the team to solve issues, rather than trying to solve them all on your own.  Always make sure you keep the lines of communication open, as communicating is key to building buy-in for a positive future.

  • Recognize, Thank & Appreciate – Don’t just use formal channels for recognition, find opportunities to thank your team members and demonstrate genuine appreciation. All people need to feel valued, and particularly when times are crazy. Share wins, acknowledge successes and encourage the team to do the same at team meetings; all of these spread positive feelings and provide your team with a supportive environment.

  • Have Fun – It may not sound very ‘corporate’ but if you look back over your own career, the best times you had – regardless of how crazy – were when you were able to laugh with your colleagues.  I once had a wonderful boss who brought in Loretta Laroche videos and played them over lunch, just to hear everyone bust out laughing.  She knew that laughter was a way to break through the stress.  Click on Loretta Laroche to watch on YouTube.  Find ways to take light-hearted breaks together – go out for ice cream, host amusing contests or enjoy team pot lucks.  Ask your team to find fun things to do together, including you!
 
At the end of the day, just like those people on the island after the shipwreck, the team will come together and rebuild a whole new existence.  Together, you really will survive and you’ll have plenty of stories to share along the way.
 
Throw out a lifeline:   Phone a friend…dots!!
If you need help to get through the trying times, or you’re looking for strategies to build your team, contact us at Dots Leadership Solutions!  We have plenty of great tools and solutions to assist you. Learn more about our Specialties here.
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    Author

    Elaine Adamson is a leadership consultant with Dots Leadership Solutions Inc. A natural dot connector. Passionate about coaching team effectiveness and leadership development she shares over 25+ years of real-life tips and tricks that really work!

    Elaine Adamson Leadership Consultant
    ​​Elaine believes you can discover and leverage strengths to forge a strong team dynamic despite business challenges or organizational change.  



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