How to Get Tough Feedback So You Grow

Getting Tough Feedback Can Hurt

​I will never forget the first time I received tough feedback at work because lets face it, who can forget the moment when the are completely blindsided!

I was managing a government-funded employment centre at the time. While working on a tight deadline to implement a new computer system, I received quite a shock when the Director called me to come to her office ASAP.
 
She told me my peer (Margaret, who I worked with every day) had raised a concern that needed to be addressed immediately. Margaret felt ‘intimidated’ by me and I made her... uncomfortable. Instantly I became defensive – WTF?! Why didn’t she talk to me, what did I do, where was this coming from? Me, are you kidding me… intimidating?

Margaret said I was impatient and judgmental, pushing her to explain how things were done. She felt I didn’t respect or properly understand the work she and the team did and that I was pushy and just wanted to ‘change everything’.

It became very obvious she didn’t know what I was trying to do and get done; she clearly was missing the context for why I needed information and how I was using it. That was on me!
 
I instantly felt bad that my actions were seen as overbearing, but man was I blindsided! And in that moment, it singlehandedly changed how I worked forever more.

From that moment on, I took more time to listen and explain before rushing blindly ahead; I brought Margaret and many others along as my partner, versus driving them crazy with my drive-for-results mentality.

In the end, Margaret and I formed a terrific working relationship and created a great new system, and we became far stronger leaders as well!
 
Looking back, it was that very tough feedback that helped me learn about my own direct style and how to flex my approach with others who were indirect, and I'm still thankful for that learning.
 
I can relate to what it feels like to receive tough feedback, but equally important is that I truly value the awareness and development as a result of it.

This is just one of the reasons, I'm so passionate that leaders and teams become aware of their own style. You grow so much when you connect with people who are quite different than you!
 
Candour and Feedback Makes a Better Workplace
In today’s workplaces we often refrain from saying what needs to be said for a variety of reasons, WE:

1. Don’t know how
2. Avoid uncomfortable discussions
3. Don’t think it will make a difference
4. Feel the person already knows
5. Tried once and it went horribly wrong
6. Don’t want to make a fuss
7. Believe the adage ‘don’t say anything unless you have something good to say’
8. Don’t want to hurt feelings

I get it! If you’ve had a negative experience in the past you may be put off from providing or seeking feedback. Not everyone is comfortable or feels equipped.

Then again, feedback may have been delivered too harshly (or rudely), or worse it was too vague making it un-actionable or saved for your performance review time (not helpful).
 
Feedback, the Breakfast of Champions
When someone cares enough to give honest, constructive feedback in a clear and helpful way it helps the individual grow and become more self-aware – just as I did. Yet according to Harvard Business Review, we actually all want the negative feedback you hate to give!
 
I’m not talking about positive nice feedback here; I’m referring to candid and sometimes difficult to hear ‘tough, real talk’, often shielded from more senior level leaders as you rise in an organization.
 
Cultivating a positive environment where it is safe to give and receive feedback openly begins with you, the leader. YOU set the tone by modelling trust and openness in every interaction, encouraging others to share their differing views.
 
Seek and Ye Shall Find
In each workshop I’ve done about feedback or candour it’s been surprising how few leaders ever received tough or candid feedback over their career!  So it is no wonder they aren’t comfortable giving tough feedback to their team!
 
How do you start to develop an environment for tougher feedback you ask? You actually begin by asking!
 
How to Get to The Tough Stuff
Given the reluctance listed above, you may find it difficult to get open, candid feedback.

Here are 5 things you can do to get people to open up:

1. Participate in a confidential 360 review feedback process (keeps anonymity).
2. Bring in a third party for confidential discussions with your team to gather insights and help you with action planning.
3. Follow through on any employee surveys - ask for specific suggestions to make things better then make personal commitment to act upon improvements.
4. Avoid disputing any constructive feedback you receive; accept it quickly by thanking them for bringing it to your attention then make a plan to improve.
5. Ask for specific feedback often, probe for insights ie) did you get what you needed from that meeting, what else could I do to make ‘x’ better, what do you think is most important to the team for me to focus on.

The more often you welcome insights and follow up with actions that demonstrate you genuinely welcome their input, the more candid input you’ll receive over time.
 
It takes a little focus but based on my experience, candour is your best bet to creating the most highly engaged, super-charged high-performance teams!
 
Drop me a note when you’re looking for help to gather, receive or act on feedback! I conduct sessions with teams to uncover what issues are causing the most frustrations as well as coach leaders who want to stretch and improve.

photo by CC0 @cerpow on Unsplash