Almost daily these days, there is another story of a world leader who intimidates, threatens, bad mouths or pushes people around to get their way!

Several clients of mine have dealt with bullies on their teams, but bullying at work is much tougher with when that bully your boss or a leader you have to associate with in the company.

A bully leader in the workplace (even if you don't report to them) causes stress, pressure and great discomfort to everyone. The Workplace Bullying Institute US national research claims that 30% of workers in the US are bullied at work, over 22 million employees witness it and 1 of 10 claim they work in a toxic workplace as a result.

The environment becomes toxic when everyone tries to avoid humiliation, or kiss-up to be in his/her good graces.  For others, the only way to cope is to quit their job, particularly if they have been targeted by that bully.

When a bully boss makes you a target, work becomes pretty unbearable. This was the case for one of my clients. Below I'll share with you some of the strategies that she found helpful to continue to work with this very difficult leader.

Interestingly, as we worked through identifying her personality style, we decoded his DiSC style as well. The more we discussed style differences, the more we saw similarities to a fairly well-known bully world leader! 

Last month we focused on the letter “S” – Steadiness of the DiSC behavioural style.
 
This month concludes the Style Talk Series as we focus on the profile “C” – Conscientious characteristics. You may also like to review the first two parts of the series focusing on the profile "D"- Dominance, or focusing on the profile "I"- Influence.
 
As previously mentioned, in each article I am highlighting real-life clients who tend to illustrate a strong profile of just one of the DiSC behavioural traits. 
 
You will have different degrees of each behavioural style in your own profile but you tend to have a dominant style that many at your work will witness. How you behave compared to people with differing styles to you may be quite different, even when presented with the very same scenario. 

Last month we focused on the letter “I” – Influence of the DiSC behavioural style and previously we focused on the “D”.
 
This month we will continue the Style Talk Series focusing on the profile “S” – Steadiness behaviours and communication characteristics.
 
As I mentioned before, the clients I highlight tend to be symbolic of a strong profile of just one of the DiSC behavioural dimensions, this month using the “S”. 
 
In your own DiSC profile you will have differing degrees of each behavioural style. That said, people at work likely have observed your most predominant one because when you are under pressure your most dominant style usually shows up.
 
There is no perfect style, no right or wrong either; just like people are from different backgrounds, we each view a situation and react uniquely because we are approaching it from a different vantage point. This series is to help introduce the benefits of understanding your style.
 

Last month we focused on the letter “D” – Dominance of the DiSC behavioural styles.
 
This month we will continue the Style Talk Series focusing on the profile “I” for Influence behaviours and communication style.  I personally relate most with this dimension myself, though not quite to the same extreme as my client. 
 
As you will see, the client I am highlighting tends to be emblematic of a strong “I” profile which is just one of the DiSC behavioural traits. 
 
You will have varying degrees of each behavioural style in your own profile but we all have our ‘go to’ dominant style that others tend to see, particularly under stress. Two people may react quite differently when presented with the same situation, depending on their dominant behavioural style.

Ever work with someone whose style drove you crazy? Perhaps they talked too slow or fast for you, were overly demanding or passive, very logical or maybe they talked so much about feelings and relationships to the point it made it difficult to get down to business? The list of bugaboos vary because what bugs one person, may not bother another to the same degree.

We each have a unique combination of behaviours and priorities; they show up as our style to others. When you work with someone whose blend is quite different to yours, they will likely strike a nerve - when you're not well-armed to understand where they are coming from.

Assess for Your Own ‘Ah Ha!’ Moment
One way to ease this kind of discord is to conduct an assessment that decodes both you and your team’s behavioural styles. A tool to understand clear preferences and what they prioritize compared to you. 

My tool of choice is a DiSC® model behavioural assessment tool – Everything DiSC®Workplace by Wiley Brand.  It's simple, yet uncovers ‘pinch points’ quickly with leaders and/or their teams so they can adjust immediately. This tool works for building better cohesion in a team, improving communication, reducing tensions, but also offers self-awareness for leaders I coach, most of whom have a few ‘ah ha’ moments as a result!

Over the next series I highlight each one of the four dimensions of DiSC® characterized by people I’ve worked with (names changed, of course) quick links below:

• Disc Style 'I'
• DiSC Style 'S'
• DiSC Style 'C'

DiSC®Background
Harvard psychologist Dr. William Moulton Marston created the theory of DISC® in the 1920’s, illustrating that people exhibited emotions through four ‘Normal’ behaviours of Dominance, Inducement, Steadiness, or Compliance – aka DISC® In the 1950’s an industrial psychologist named Walter Clarke went on to create the first assessment using the DISC behaviours Marston founded. Over the years the assessment has been improved and updated but the principles remain the same. Today we use the terms: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness and Conscientious in the assessment.

First lets start with the profile of “D” – Dominance.

You’ve been there–it could be a pain-in-the-butt colleague, a trouble-making employee, or worse, a devil-boss who makes your workday absolute torture! Regardless of who they are, they likely all have this one thing in common…nasty bullying behaviour.  

Sadly, if you don’t find ways to manage it, the stress may cause your health to decline, you disengage from work resulting in your performance taking a hit or you have the sudden urge to quit because you simply have no other way out.

Dealing with a workplace bully wears us all down. Repeated over time, you may actually believe what they say, sparking self-doubt and eroding your self-esteem. They yearn for this power and as such, once they’ve set their sights on you, they do what they can to take you down.

I’ve helped several clients rise above these difficult people. It takes a little bit of work but in the end, they feel a sense of accomplishment once they triumph!

It’s important to note that if what you are dealing with is an extreme case of bullying or a possible harassment case, there are Human Rights laws to protect you. Handling those situations requires a formal process. The Ministry of Labour (Ontario) provides guidance to both employers and employees regarding these laws in my province.

What I’m talking about today are the scenarios where someone is staying within the bounds of the law, but making it unpleasant for you to work with them. These people know how to get at you but management may not see it, may choose to ignore it, or it just may not be bad enough for you to want to raise a big fuss.
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​These nasty people often share similar characteristics, they:

• Lack empathy
• Are emotionally immature
• Think very highly of themselves
• Cleverly put others down or they show off in front of spectators
• Relish picking on people 
• Are often known for getting stuff done, in spite of their behaviour 
• Are unaware they make onlookers uncomfortable
• Know how to work the ‘system’ in the organization

So what CAN you do to battle this kind of unpleasantness? Lets look at some simple tactics to disarm these bullies and take back your own power:

1. Let them shine
It may seem counterintuitive but people who are problematic are typically seeking some kind of attention. 

Take time to assess this person’s underlying insecurity; ask yourself the following questions to become aware of what is really going on: 

• What do you think they are lacking? 
• Do they perceive you as a threat? 
• Are they jealous of you? 
• Do they want to be liked, noticed or needed by others?
• Do they think they are better or smarter than others? 

With this information in mind, look for a moment to praise them when they do something you can comfortably acknowledge: “Jane had a good point”, “Jane was absolutely right, ‘Thank you Jane for xxx” “Jane I quite liked xxx”.

These comments begin to neutralize their need to be nasty because their own esteem rises.

However, it’s important that you approach this genuinely. Don’t do it if you don’t really feel it or it will come off as disingenuous and inflame them further.  

Giving them the limelight is a powerful tool and it works in most situations. 

2. Use the power of Aikido
If you haven’t heard of it before, Aikido is actually a form of martial arts.  Yet, it is non-threatening and doesn’t use force. 

In fact, what makes Aikido so effective is that it removes aggression from an adversary by yielding to his/her force in a way that they end up only hurting themselves. For instance, imagine stepping out of the way as someone tries to strike you–the attacker would likely fall down, hurting only themselves.  

Mean people are easily unsettled when you DON'T react the way they are expecting. Because most of these people have very low self-esteem, their actions come from a place of insecurity; they lash out or belittle to make themselves feel better.  

To use an ‘Aikido-like’ reaction:

• Become aware of your thoughts when they take a jab at you and avoid thinking about or acting with your usual reaction
• Start thinking of what it is they are trying to accomplish and how you might work WITH that aggression
• Consider how you can respond in a way they would least likely expect 
• Respond calmly, or consider ignoring them altogether

Click here to learn more about Verbal Aikido.

3. Find your inner comic
Instead of letting these people get under your skin, find a way to make light of their behaviour. I have seen really great leaders deal with some very annoying people simply by making a quick thinking remark. For instance, in the case of an employee continuously interrupting a meeting, the leader might say, “Slow down there speedy, I’m driving this meeting”. 

If it’s your boss who’s pushing your buttons, this can be a bit trickier but you can still make light of their nasty comments. Laugh out loud and say something like, “Oh, for a moment I thought you were calling me an idiot–that’s a good one”.

It may not immediately come to you in the moment, so after an interaction has happened, consider things you could say next time. The AMA has a great article on how to have the last laugh, worth a read!  Try to avoid insults as you don’t want to stoop to their level–I’m talking about making light of their comment so you take back control.

4. Call them on the behaviour
We naturally try to defend ourselves or strike back when mean people put us down or make a condescending comment. These people have become experts at making others look second-rate so that they can feel superior. That is where they draw strength.

If you can’t ignore their comments, respond firmly with a response that exposes the behaviour, “That sounded like a put-down”.  It usually holds a mirror up to the individual and catches them off guard.

Most of these people won’t want to ‘look bad’ in front of others and a public call-out will make them uncomfortable enough to switch gears.  

Over time, this tactic can actually help them with their own self-awareness.

5. Nip it in the bud: stage an intervention
This approach takes a great deal of courage and I recommend doing this with support. Book a face-to-face meeting with the difficult person and address their behaviour head-on when you are cool-headed. 

Be sure to have several specific examples at the ready. Make sure your discussion is done in a way to help them understand the affect they have on others. Conduct this meeting in private; clarify what the issue is as factually as possible and set out a plan to fix the problem offering support and guidance.

Let them know how these behaviours are making you or your team feel. Use ‘I’ or ‘I feel’ messages. For instance, “I feel embarrassed when I’m called out in a meeting in front of others”, or, “I feel disrespected when I am constantly interrupted in meetings”.

‘I feel’ messages usually resonate better because the other person is not put on the defensive–no one can deny your own feelings. If you have internal HR support, they can assist you in this discussion. If not, then consider bringing in external support to help you plan this discussion and to be present during the meeting.

Don’t let nasty people ruin your work experience. Approach them as though they have a problem and don’t let it be your problem anymore.

Typically they have developed this behaviour over many years but no one has called them on it. It is possible for them to change, but it takes work on their behalf as well as yours.

Most great companies have formal policies to reinforce values for treating people with respect. This is great for employees, but what about you as a leader? 

Check out our additional posts that deal with bad behaviour like bullying at work:
- 6 Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People
​- Difficult People or Competitive Edge - The Constant Critic
- Difficult People orCompetitive Edge - Take No Prisoners
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If you’re dealing with colleagues or team members who are disrespectful to you, I’m here to help.  I can arm you with proven practices to help you manage through the tough stuff. Send me an email or give me a call today, I offer a 30 minute free consultation!

​Are you hiding the real you from work?

Can you sing? Play the trumpet? Do you bake pies? Do you laugh with your full belly? Do you snort!? Do you paint watercolour or absolutely love to garden? Do you love hip hop or can you rap?

How many on your team know who you really are? Does anyone? Sadly many of us hide our full self from work, or worse….from our teams.

We so often buy into this notion that we have to fit a particular stereotype to be a successful leader - it is all business, all the time.

When I worked in corporate, there was an executive that wasn’t particularly liked. In fact we had many complaints about her behaviour in HR. She was an ice queen. She was ‘perfect’. She hit every deliverable out of the park, and then some. But man, she pushed her people hard!

Ever wonder how your company’s President or senior decision makers decide on who to promote? Well, I’m going to reveal it to you today.
 
...It doesn’t have anything to do with how many additional hours you put in.
 
...It has no relation to how many lunch breaks you skip.
 
...And your late night email response rate has absolutely no bearing on the decision.
 
It’s all about HOW you show up!

Senior executive leaders are listening carefully to those reporting to them and are observing who gets acknowledged most frequently – and yes, HR partners are also providing them with insights regarding HOW people situations have been dealt with. 

​Senior Execs are always on the lookout for future leaders who can make a positive impact.
 
Of course the unique keys to being promotable may differ slightly from one organization to the next, but there are many elements that senior teams everywhere look at to determine who stands out above the rest.
 
So, how do you get noticed in a sea of people? Let me share a few HR secrets for how to demonstrate YOU are the one to watch:

Are you under constraints at work and it’s taking a toll on you as the leader?  Do you have more work to do but no additional headcount? Perhaps there is a hiring freeze or you’ve been told you can’t bring in replacements when someone leaves your unit.  
 
Unfortunately, this is how a lot of big companies deal with shrinking market share or downturns in their industry.  But what if I told you there might be some resources available that you can’t see yet?  In fact, you may be able to recoup a full role or parts of a role, you just need to know where and how to look...

These days everyone is putting in longer hours, but not feeling as fulfilled as they would like to.  It’s almost as if you’re on a treadmill that is increasing in speed with no destination!
 
“Work” definition – according to the Oxford Dictionary is the activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result; as a means of earning income.  

So, we know that effort of any type can tire you out, but when you lack balance in that effort it can lead to chronic stress and tension. 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, chronic stress lowers your immune; it also lowers your digestive and reproductive systems.  It affects your ability to sleep and is said to be a silent killer. 
 
So how do you regain personal balance to prevent burnout and chronic stress? 

Updated: February 2021
Most corporate team off sites (done onsite in the boardroom with food catered), are done with the intent of having a team building experience.
 
You know what I’m talking about? One of those meeting when the team gets together away from their usual desks. A caterer brings in two Diet Cokes and three cans of Sprite for a team of 7. The food is the same each time, usually some kind of sandwiches, and the last person to select gets stuck with the egg salad.
 
For team building you might add an exercise or two like “If you were an animal, what kind would you be and why”. With a few laughs and full tummies do you really expect your team to be more successful?

Unfortunately these team building activities seldom generate success behaviours. Management may think team building happens when they invest in a few meals together, but the reality is your team just hopes for an early exit home.

Seldom does the 'building' of a team really occur.