 How To Have Difficult ConversationsI was delighted when Kim Scott's book Radical Candor came out as I heartily share her views on candid conversations. To me it really is an art, not a science! Just like art, you improved the more often you do it. While there may be steps to take, you only develop comfort for 'uncomfortable discourse' as you practice doing it. I'm not telling you it will be easy. After all, it does go against with what your Momma taught you - 'if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all'. But when you become a leader (just as Kim says) ' it’s your job to speak up--so it's your obligation to be candid'.
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 Do Your Employees Hate Work?When great employees don’t get what they need to thrive, they wither and become a zombie before your eyes.
Has your previously amazing rock star employee turned into one of the ‘working dead’..... that quit, but stayed? How would you know if you have disengaged employees? Sometimes, it is not very obvious. Zombie employees may get sick frequently; they may complain or stew about issues more; they are more detached; they increase the number of breaks or take a long time to accomplish work; or, they seem more frustrated or annoyed. When team members, who were previously quite involved and full of life, become quiet or just don't bother trying anymore - there is a good chance they're checking out. It is becoming quite an epidemic. According to Gallup less than 13% of employees are an engaged worldwide – that means many people hate their jobs. With a concerted effort you can bring them back from the brink while preventing the further demise of your very best people.  Will Your Team Follow YOU?Updated April 2020
“Let’s play follow the leader Nanni,” my 3-year old grandson says, pulling on my hand. He leads me through the house, taking me downstairs and back upstairs. We crawl, we jump and we stand still; he laughs when I shadow him and is so delighted I’m following his lead. He then says, “Nanni its your turn to be the leader!” After much laughter, we fall into a heap on the couch. Fun and shenanigans like this make for some great memories. Too bad leading a team isn’t quite that straightforward – or is it?  Rebuild Team Trust After LayoffsSo your team has been restructured and the dust finally settled.
Now, you’re supposed to go back to ‘business as usual’ but things feel far from normal. As the leader, you’re in a tough position because everyone on your team turns to you for answers and clarity. But, you're as much in the dark as they are, maybe a bit ticked off too....so what do you do? Rest assured you’re not alone; heck, you can’t read a newspaper or hear a business report these days without learning about a company cutting back, laying off or reorganizing. Just like you, there are hundreds of leaders trying to find their way to get back on track, regrouping but also trying to rebuild trust of the ‘survivors’.  Poor Communication = No ConnectionThese days, with all the tools we have available, we are far more connected and capable of staying in touch than ever before!
So don’t you find it a bit ironic that in today’s workplaces, lack of communication remains one of the biggest issues for employees? Regardless of the industry or size of company! Here’s the thing - if your team doesn’t feel heard, they don’t understand the direction of the company, never get constructive feedback, or they don’t think you care about them as a person, then why would they give you their best work?  Self-Doubt is DebilitatingTrue story - 20 years ago I didn’t feel worthy of a $25,000.00 salary!
After 9 years of raising our daughters, I began the difficult task to return to the workforce, was turned down for every job I applied to and told my skills were ‘out-of-date’. It felt horrible to be rejected, but what was worse was how I felt about myself. I remember sobbing to my husband ‘Who will ever pay ME $25,000 (the going rate) after being out of the workforce; all I am is a stay-at-home Mom!’  Have You Asked Yourself, Am I a Credible Leader?I heard about Tom through leaders in other departments and some of his team.
Tom was a top-level leader; he was sharp, rather humorous, a technically-adept-quick-study, and very good at corporate politics in his highly specialized C-suite role. However what Tom didn’t know, was that most of his team had lost total respect for him as a leader; they didn’t believe half of what he said and few trusted him anymore. As a result, team morale was at an all time low, they spent much of their time cross-checking the many stories he told, second-guessing his every move and gossiping about Tom’s life outside of work.  Create Your Own Blueprint for Success© Oprah Says Everyone Has a CallingWhen talking about success, Oprah Winfrey said "Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself."
So how do you do that?  When Work Sucks, You Need to GoTime to go – those words rang through my head when I caught up with a work-friend I hadn’t seen in years, as she told me about her job.
It all came back to me... the dreadful soul-sucking heaviness when my old job became absolute drudgery. Looking back, I knew in my heart it was time to go but I continued to persevere, pushing myself to do work that wasn’t ‘me’. I told myself that it was a good job with good pay so I’d be crazy to think about leaving …it even had a pension, and who leaves that at my age! That is her situation too; she is suffering in a job that no longer serves her and she feels so stuck.  Does Your Team Trust You?Hey did you hear? Prime Minister Trudeau admitted there was an ‘erosion of trust’ occurring in his office; he was unaware of it (based on what came out in the recent Canadian justice committee inquiry). Imagine his disappointment to find that people did not feel comfortable coming to him with concerns.
Well sadly, he is not alone, many leaders realize a little late that there are issues or an underground culture (where they are excluded) in their workplace. It may not come to light until exit interviews, employee surveys or worse, formal complaints.  Getting Tough Feedback Can HurtI will never forget the first time I received tough feedback at work because lets face it, who can forget the moment when the are completely blindsided!
I was managing a government-funded employment centre at the time. While working on a tight deadline to implement a new computer system, I received quite a shock when the Director called me to come to her office ASAP. She told me my peer (Margaret, who I worked with every day) had raised a concern that needed to be addressed immediately. Margaret felt ‘intimidated’ by me and I made her... uncomfortable. Instantly I became defensive – WTF?! Why didn’t she talk to me, what did I do, where was this coming from? Me, are you kidding me… intimidating?  The Constant Critic (TCC) I get it! Difficult people on your team can zap your energy ‘getting on your nerves,’ making it a pain to work with them. Well guess what, I’m here to tell you that pretty much every difficult person you will ever lead, can be a great asset; you may even find them not so difficult after all! This series has been dedicated to helping you figure out how to tap into hidden potential of difficult types and minimize the frustration: - Part one when you’re challenged with a “The Know All” (TKA) - Part two for the blow it up Revolutionary type (TNT) or - Part three the Take No Prisoners (TNP) personality type To wrap up the series, I’m going to help you with one seldom discussed, often misunderstood and a very draining style to work with… the Constant Critic (TCC)! You know this type; they tend to be appear very negative. Just like Eeyore (from Winnie the Pooh) who constantly points out the negative in every move. They don’t cause big drama but they do seem reluctant to get onboard with anything new, usually based on some prior experience. The Constant Critic profile:
Meet Pete – “Mr. Quiet Dissonance” Pete (name changed) has an accounting background and works as a Director, Strategic Planning & Performance for a large Retailer. He's been an executive for 5 years but has been with the company for over 20. The 3 people who report to him quite enjoy working with him. He reports to Marnie (not her real name), VP Business Performance who was recently promoted. Marnie and I have been working together on improving her direct team’s collaboration and she asked for help with Pete, in particular. Pete is commonly referred to as the ‘company historian’ and has lived through a couple of mergers, several name changes as well as take over from a US-based company. Marnie was forewarned that Pete seemed disengaged before she took on the team.
Pete is a great example of the Constant Critic personality type! The good news is Pete responded positively to Marnie as soon as she began implementing strategies we spoke about. Her action plan included:
At this point, her focus is on developing more of a trusted relationship, and that maybe all it takes. Marnie's increased interest in his experience seems to have had a positive impact already; the team has noticed Pete becoming more participatory – no more crossed arms in meetings and some have even commented about him being more sociable. The benefit of having a TCC on your team – great devils advocate, can help you develop persuasive arguments, often sees a different perspective and helps to reflect on pending plans. Often they have learned from past mistakes, can be a historian with very helpful information to draw upon. The key to leading a TCC – remain positive, redirect negativity, stick to facts and data that support positive outcomes. Help them see the impact of their behaviour on others if it becomes a problem. Ask the TCC to reframe their initial reaction toward a more positive response. Caution leading a TCC – do not get pulled into negativity. Limit how much time you give when they become negative. For every difficult type of person, there is a way of changing YOUR perspective about what contribution they bring to your team. It may take a little effort, but drawing upon unique perspectives can be a competitive edge for your team. If you are dealing with a difficult person on your team (or even your boss) and you’d like help to figure out how to communicate better with them, send me an email. There are just as many strategies as there are difficult personality types! Bonus tip: Can you see a bit of yourself in Pete? Have you been 'shutting down' at work, avoiding colleagues or find yourself to be increasingly contrary? You may be a Constant Critic or are heading that way. Time to reflect on how negative you may appear to others:
Photo CC0 @bkotynski Unsplash
 Take No Prisoners (TNP) Type Thanks for returning to my series about difficult people – I'll be interested to hear what do you think, so far? Do you see how difficult people can be a competitive advantage for your team? Let me know in the comments below. To recap part one of this series I began with “The Know All” (TKA) personality type, you surely know someone who embodies those traits. For part two I spoke about “The Revolutionary (aka TNT) type” who are seldom satisfied with the status quo. For part three I will shed light on the all too familiar, yet quite challenging, difficult ‘Take No Prisoners’ (TNP) personality type. Consider ‘the Donald’ reporting to a leader in a business setting. Yes, that is this rebel style. What do you think, difficult to manage? Oh my, heck yeah! A true leadership test. You may be surprised to know there ARE ways to harness the power of this rebellious in-yo-face type when they report to you (not so easy to when they are running a country). When you guide them the right way, you create a powerhouse talent on your team and even better, leave a lasting positive impact in your company. Meet Liam – The Gun-Slinger Liam (names changed) is an up-and-coming, newly promoted executive in telecommunications. He is 33 years old and incredibly clever. So much so he has been promoted rather quickly. Over a 5-year period he has moved up three times (unusually fast) and is now at the Director level with eyes locked and loaded for a Vice President’s seat. He has been told he has “CEO potential”, which is amazing BUT he tends to share that info with others in an obnoxious ‘boasty’ sort of way. Highly strategic and a quick study, he has demonstrated value in every role very quickly. Liam is highly action-oriented, capable to make change and adapt rapidly. Managers who promoted him looked past some of his behavioural shortcomings for political reasons - because the top bosses really like his boldness. Leaders fanned his fiery flames, instead of providing candid feedback and guidance, for fear they may be seen as a roadblock to his rise up the ladder. When his newest manager Claire, VP Ops (seriously, not her real name or title) reached out for my help, she told me she inherited ‘a blow-hard, pompous, egotistical jerk.’ Claire was ultra motivated to find 'something' to hit home with him before everyone quit on her team. When we started, she was at her whit’s end. Liam is the quintessential Take No Prisoners (aka TNP) profile. The Take No Prisoners profile:
The benefit of having a TNP on your team – quick decision makers, they assess risk swiftly, are very determined, action oriented, inventive, shrewd and persistent. The key to leading a TNP is trust and mutual respect. Set high expectations regarding their behaviour; hold a mirror up to see results of their approach; be liberal with praise at the right times. Listen to their ideas, positively reinforce relationship building, and be candid with feedback that will benefit them with very firm correction if they appear to burn a bridge – they appreciate that directness. Caution for leading a TNP – they require a firm leader whom they respect or they will undermine your efforts. Do not do battle with them as they are very clever, set clear boundaries early on, then hold them to those. The Outcome My approach was to have her build a real genuine connection and be very firm with expectations and harness the positive side of his traits. Claire began to develop two-way trust with Liam:
I hope to become an executive coach to him one day and if I do, I won’t pull any punches. He needs direct feedback to help him succeed; learn how to flex his style yet capitalize on what makes him a powerhouse in business. Could people perceive YOU to be like Liam? Or do you know anyone with this style? Help is Available For every difficult type of person there is a way of connecting to the jewel that may be under a rough exterior. It can take a bit of work on your behalf but having distinctly different personalities on your team can become a strong competitive edge as well as a leadership legacy. If you are suffering with a difficult person on your team (or your boss) and you’d like help to figure out how to communicate better with them, send me an email. There are numerous ways to connect! If you aren’t on my mailing list, you’re missing out on other juicy tidbits to become an effective leader. It is never too late to sign up! I have sign up links all over my site, for your convenience. 🙂 Photo by @anneniuniu on Unsplash
 The Revolutionary - 'TNT' In part one of this series I introduced how to develop a competitive edge while leading difficult people. I began with “The Know All” (TKA) personality type. For part two I’ll focus on another challenging personality, this one is seldom satisfied with the status quo and constantly wants to make changes! The Revolutionary…. aka “TNT” Making it Right I often compare this type of person to Mike Holmes, the builder who seemingly blows up your house to fix all the wrongdoings done by previous contractors to ‘Make it Right’. This kind of person on your team can really test you, pushing at every turn with complaints about process, hand-offs, policy or people. They expect you to fix it. For the conscientious manager this TNT type is very draining to have on your team. You may pride yourself on good quality work like they do, however you’re more apt to be cautious and comfortable with subtle improvements vs high confrontation or making full-scale change. These people can be rather domineering in conversations. They have strong opinions, and even though you may see value in their suggestions, they can be tough to redirect back to work. Rather than doing battle with them, there are ways you can help to leverage their enthusiasm for the greater good! Meet Sati – the Demolition expert Lets take Sati for example (names changed). Sati works for a sales organization as a technical rep and has been there for almost 10 years. She is well liked by both peers and customers, so much so they turn to her to solve all sorts of problems. Sati has a habit of adopting other people’s issues, making them her own to solve, even when they are not in her domain. Her Sales Manager Brian really struggled to get Sati focussed on her own deliverables. Almost daily she would come to him with yet another idea to change...well…pretty much everything. Many conversations began with “Why don’t we....”, “I don’t see why I have to…”, “Why can’t x department do…”. She just constantly challenged. Brian was recently been promoted and knew Sati had some great ideas from working with her as a peer. As the days and weeks followed however, he found her increasingly frustrating to work with. Poking at him day in day out with yet another scheme she wanted him to undertake and fix, yet did not follow through on her own work. Sati is a great example of this Revolutionary – TNT difficult person. The TNT profile
The benefit of having a TNT person on your team – they are opportunistic, filled with ideas, usually very positive, they influence others, thrive on change, deal well with ambiguity and love problems to solve. The key to leading a TNT person is hearing out their ideas and giving them accountability to see changes through. Set expectations for detailed change plans outlining the risks/rewards and benefits to implementing such a change. They do best when they are heard, given meaningful accountabilities with autonomy to implement and are trusted to get it done. Caution for leading a TNT – they need a diligent leader to be available for them, not too hands on, yet someone who sets expectations, timelines then follows through. They need to be heard. The Outcome After Brian and I laid out a plan he implemented a few strategies:
In the following weeks Brian noticed a change in Sati. She stopped the incessant pushing and began to take ownership of some of the issues, working diligently to resolve. Weekly they would meet to discuss progress and Brian began to mentor her on how to look deeper into the details. Sometimes she would actually abandon an issue but not until she had more thoroughly explored it and considered the impact(s). Now Brian is well on his way to becoming a stronger leader and Sati is becoming a greater contributor, not only to the team, but also the organization. For every difficult type of person there is another way to look at what they bring to your team. It can take some effort on your part but encouraging people the right way, who previously were a pain, can actually turn into a competitive edge toward a highly productive team. Join/sign up for our blog updates (link in right margin), or visit often for other useful tips on leading people! If you are tired of struggling to deal with a difficult person on your team (or your boss) and you’d like help to figure out how to communicate with them, send me an email. I have a kit bag full of different tactics that work! Image: CC0 Unsplash @madeincartel
 The Know All (TKA) Recently, a client (we’ll call her Yvonne) reached out to me for assistance with a ‘know-all’ on her team. We had such great success improving their working relationship and camaraderie on the team that I decided to pass along some tips!
Many business leaders I talk to grapple with rebels or difficult personality types. Difficult people can test your every-last-nerve, yet once you figure out how to curb their behaviour by communicating effectively, you may discover a competitive advantage on your team. Over the next few blogs, I will give you tips on how to handle some of the most draining types of people:
First up is the case of Alan – The Know All (TKA) Alan – The Know All (TKA) Alan was an effervescent, spirited, high-energy team member, who was very smart. He drove people crazy with his need to be right all the time and his non-verbal, superior behaviour in meetings (like eye-rolling, arms crossed, dismissive noises). Trouble was that most days Yvonne found herself doing damage control when people complained Alan was difficult to work with. Alan spent all of their 1:1 meetings complaining about others who were unresponsive or uncooperative, inhibiting him from accomplishing his work and expecting Yvonne to set THEM right. As a result, Yvonne found Alan to be a drain on her time and energy. Due to the culminating behaviour issues, Yvonne seriously questioned whether to keep him on the team despite the great work that Alan did. After Yvonne filled me in on the many issues, it became obvious that Alan did not build rapport with others and his smug behaviour rubbed people the wrong way. So we set out a plan for Yvonne to begin providing Alan with meaningful and actionable feedback, immediately. Alan fell into the TKA-The Know All profile: The Know All profile (exhibits many of these traits)
The key to leading a TKA is to gain trust by showing them you are ‘in their corner’ but challenging them directly on their behaviour so they can see the impact of their current approach.
Caution to leading a TKA – always have your facts and data in order, never threaten or corner. Pick your battles wisely; focus on behaviour that gets in their way of success vs. labeling the person as a problem. The benefit to having a TKA on your team – this type of person has tons of relevant information to draw upon, they are hard workers, creative problem solvers, decisive, action-oriented, have high standards, are adaptive, and are highly productive. The root of Alan’s problems was that he made others feel dumb or undervalued – the more he touted his smarts, the more others did not want to work with him. They resented his approach because he never took time to value their input, he didn't create a relationship, he would talk too fast, not ask questions and express how frustrated he was in a variety of verbal and non-verbal cues. So What Happened? Once Yvonne began providing more directive feedback, Alan started making positive changes in his approach. Fortunately Alan knew Yvonne genuinely cared about his success and even though it was difficult to hear, he soon realized he came on too strong and decided to take her advice. In a few short weeks, Yvonne began to hear from others that Alan was less combative and appeared more team oriented and helpful. Yvonne is now less stressed and has improved her own skills for giving AND receiving feedback. So Difficult People or Competitive Edge? For every difficult type of person, there are ways to connect to capitalize on the strengths they bring while correcting undesirable behaviour. It can take a bit of work on your behalf but building and encouraging diverse perspectives can be a competitive edge for a high performing team! If you are tired of struggling to deal with a difficult person on your team (or even your boss) and you’d like to know how to better communicate with them, send me an email. I have many more strategies that work! Do you know anyone similar to Alan? I'd be interested to hear what strategies work for you to manage their behaviour or if you have another difficult style you struggle with - please leave me a reply below! Sign up for my blog updates (subscribe in the right-hand column) or bookmark the blog page. The next post one will feature: TNT – The Blow It Up Type – think of a ‘Mike Holmes’ like worker who sees many things that need fixing and thrives on change yet balks at routine work. Photo Credit @ergepic from Pexels Creative Commons CC0 |
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AuthorElaine Adamson is a leadership consultant with Dots Leadership Solutions Inc. A natural dot connector. Passionate about coaching team effectiveness and leadership development she shares over 25+ years of real-life tips and tricks that really work! 
Elaine believes you can discover and leverage strengths to forge a strong team dynamic despite business challenges or organizational change.
She posts some great articles on Linked In too! Topics of Interest
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